The marriage and family life of St. Thérèse of Lisieux’s parents invite us to practice mercy
This year in our archdiocesan Catholic schools, students have been making “Doors of Mercy” art projects. Behind brown construction-paper sets of cathedral doors, they have glued or drawn a picture of their own families. So when the door-flaps are opened, the family is revealed inside.
If we open wide the “Doors of Mercy” and look through them to see the ways we can let mercy flood in to our own marriages and our own families, what beautiful scenes of compassion, forgiveness, tenderness, presence, healing and encouragement are revealed? Celebrating the July 12 feast day of newly canonized Sts. Louis and Zélie Martin, the parents of St. Thérèse of Lisieux and her four sisters (they also had four little ones who died in infancy and early childhood), can help answer that question.
This holy married couple stands, holding wide open the door to their own busy and full home in France at the end of the 19th century, and they invite us to look in and receive inspiration to generously pour mercy out to our own.
Louis and Zélie practiced mercy, first of all, with each other. They had to! They had very different personalities, so they had to learn to appreciate and honor each other’s differences in order to make a happy marriage and a happy home. Louis was a contemplative introvert, and Zélie was an energetic, efficient extrovert. Louis liked to go on faraway pilgrimages, whereas Zélie liked to join every Catholic sodality and prayer association their parish offered. They were united, however, in their devotion to God, their great affection for each other, and their care of their family. When business trips or visits to relatives kept them apart, they wrote each other letters such as this:
Louis, Oct. 8, 1863: “Dearest, I cannot arrive at Alençon before Monday. The time passes slowly, for I long to be with you. I need not say that I was very pleased to receive your letter, except that I see by it that you are over-tiring yourself. So I recommend calm and moderation, above all else in your lace-work. … Once more, do not worry so much. With God’s help, we shall manage to keep up a nice little home. … I kiss you all lovingly, while awaiting the pleasure of being with you again. I hope Marie and Pauline are being very good! Your husband and true friend who loves you forever …”
Zélie, Aug. 31, 1873: “I long to be with you, Louis dear. I love you with all my heart and I feel my affection doubled by being deprived of your company. I could not live apart from you.”
Zélie’s lifelong habit of small, daily acts of thoughtfulness for her husband stayed with her until the end of her life. In her last weeks, when she was wracked with pain from breast cancer, she discreetly slipped out of bed to pace the house so that her tossing and turning wouldn’t keep Louis awake.
They shared their affection generously with their children: Louis regaled the family on Sunday evenings by reciting poetry and singing ballads, while Zélie was known more than once to set aside the afternoon’s lace-making to have a tea party or play cards with her girls — even if she had to stay up until 1 a.m. to finish her work later!
How can we pour more mercy and generosity into our own marriages and family life? Here are some ideas:
- Send loving and encouraging text messages to your spouse at work.
- Forgive lavishly any little and big offenses that arise. For big offenses, you may wish to attend a Retrouvaille retreat.
- Pray daily for your husband or wife.
- Look for small but concrete ways to bless your spouse with thoughtfulness. Karen Wolff of St. Andrew Parish in Sumner shared that after attending a Living in Love retreat, she decided to wake up early on weekday mornings to make her husband Tim a lunch to take to work — even when her summer break would have allowed her to sleep in. That’s love in action!
- Look for ways to share more time and joy with your children or relatives.
- Forgive and try to seek healing in wounded family relationships. Christ’s grace can make all things new!
Originally posted on Northwest Catholic – July/August 2016