Marriage vs. Cohabitation

Ten reasons God’s plan for families is good news for everyone

Madeline and Matt Example have been together five years. Because of a choice they made, they are in a category of couples who are statistically happier, healthier and better-off financially than their neighbors, Caitlyn and Chris. They will stay healthier, live longer, accumulate more wealth and report higher levels of happiness and satisfaction in their relationship and in their whole lives. Their household is less likely to witness violence or abuse. Their 2-year-old daughter, Maggie, is in the safest, healthiest and happiest categories of kids. Because of her mom and dad’s choice, she is at the lowest risk of child poverty; she is likely to succeed in school and be a happy adult.

Caitlyn and Chris have also been together five years. But because they made a different choice, they are in a group that statistically reports lower levels of happiness. They are more likely to get sick, suffer from anxiety or depression, and will likely not live as long. Despite having similar jobs as their neighbors, Caitlyn and Chris have lower incomes and smaller savings. Sadly, abuse and violence is more likely in their household, between them and against their 3-year- old, Cooper. Compared with Maggie, Cooper is at a much greater danger of child poverty and academic problems.

He’s more likely to suffer poor mental health and exhibit behavior problems, and has a greater chance of drug use and promiscuous behavior when he hits his teens.

What is that choice? Vows.

Madeline and Matt are married, and Caitlyn and Chris cohabit.

A married couple publicly vows to be true to one another “for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sick- ness and in health, as long as we both shall live.” While difficult times come to married and cohabiting couples alike, the commitment of vows strengthens the married to face them better.

In fact, sociologists find that married couples enjoy more good times than bad, more riches than poverty, less sickness and morehealth, and they live longer than their uncommitted peers. Their children are happier, healthier and safer, as well. Observers debate whether marriage causes these benefits for children and adults, or whether happy, healthy people marry more. It is hard to establish causal connections in the social sciences because you can’t run a randomized, controlled trial, assigning certain people to marry and others to stay single. However, we can infer.

Here are 10 inferences about the benefits of marriage versus cohabitation summarized in “The Benefits from Marriage and Religion in the United States: A Comparative Analysis.” (Waite and Lehrer, 2003)

  1. Happiness: Married couples are more likely to report being happy and satisfied with their lives.
  2. Mental Health: Annual rates of depression among cohabiting couples are more than three times as high as among married couples. (Journal of Health and Social Behavior, September 2000) Levels of depression seem to rise with length of cohabitation. (Alabama Policy Institute August 2006)
  3. Intimacy: Levels of emotional and physical satisfaction with lovemaking are higher for married people than those living together unmarried.
  4. Money: Married couples have far more than twice the wealth and assets of other household types, and higher family income.
  5. Health: Married people are less likely to suffer long-term illness or disability and recover more quickly from diseases and According to one model, nine out of 10 married women alive at age 38 would make it to age 65, whereas eight out of 10 non-married women would. Men stand to benefit even more than women: Nine out of 10 married men make it to 65, compared to six out of 10 never-married men.
  6. Divorce: Several studies show that if men or women cohabit and then marry, their marriage is at a greater risk of divorce.
  7. Abuse: Women in cohabiting relationships suffer more physical and sexual abuse than married The overall rate of violence for cohabiting couples was found to be twice as high for cohabiting couples as for married couples in a study by the Family Violence Research Program at the University of New Hampshire.
  8. Child Poverty: Married couples’ children have an 11 percent poverty rate, whereas the children of cohabiting couples’ poverty rate is 47 percent. (Williams, 2012)
  9. Child Abuse: Children living in cohabiting households are eight times as likely to be harmed as children living with married biological parents, according to a 2008 study.
  10. Child Well-Being: Children growing up with their married parents enjoy better outcomes on a whole host of measures of well-being, including physical and mental health, behavior problems, academic performance, criminality, drug use and promiscuity. Differences in outcome, including better health for kids of married parents, endure through adulthood into old age.

God’s plan for the commitment of marriage truly is “good news” for individuals, for the church and for society.

Originally posted on Northwest Catholic – April 2016

One thought on “Marriage vs. Cohabitation”

  1. This was a very revealing article, but what struck me the most was the life-expectancy gap between single men and married men. There may be other factors involved which, to me, stresses the importance of the Church reaching out to single men. Single men are likely single because no woman will marry them. They are poor, physically disabled or socially awkward. They would like to be married but cannot, and they consequently find the Church not very welcoming because there is more attention on the family with children than on them. Consequently, they are left out. Life is a lonely trial of existence struggling to make a living only for the purpose of existing, but the will to live has been sapped. They know that when they die few, if any, will notice or care. Family members and friends at arm’s length, yes, but their lives are not intertwined with anyone’s.
    I say this of single men and not single women because the only single women I know are widowed or divorced and from another generation. In my age group or younger the women I know, all or almost all are attached, married or otherwise, but I know of plenty single men who have never had an intimate and will likely never have one. They aren’t wealthy, beautiful, “manly” or who knows what else. I was one of those men until I was married, and that was a miracle. All of my co-workers are women, married or attached, and almost none of them says anything to me than a casual courtesy. In the lunchroom I am invisible.
    I hope that you will reprint a previous article or write something on how a parish can respond to single men who face a psychological trial of being rejected. As your cited statistic shows, their state of life is killing them. Thank you.

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