Tag: Marriage

The Importance of Fatherhood

Pope Francis’ advice for fathers: be present, practice mercy

Daddy!” This call can mean so many things. It could be a delighted greeting at the end of a workday: “You’re home!” Or a proud, “Watch me do this!” On the other hand, “Dad!” could also express indignation at a boundary set — an important but less popular duty of fatherhood. “Dad!” could mean, “I’m scared — hold me!” or “Your turn, catch!” “Dad?” could mean, “Can you explain this/fix this/give me my allowance?”

What does it take to be a good father, to respond well to all those calls for Daddy? In two recent talks, Pope Francis (whose title, papa, means “daddy”) reflected on this. He said it takes presence and forgiveness. Continue reading “The Importance of Fatherhood”

Celebrating Spiritual Motherhood

All women, mothers or not, have a special gift of receptivity to the human person

There is something about a woman’s beauty that is life-giving. The radiance of a bride on her wedding day becomes the loveliness of a new mother’s smile as she gazes at her infant. Our grandmothers are beautiful because of their loving hearts, which nurture ours. The beauty of the Blessed Virgin Mary shines especially in her “yes” which brought the life and grace of Christ to us. And all women, married or not, and regardless of whether they have ever had children of their own, have a beautiful vocation to “spiritual motherhood.” Continue reading “Celebrating Spiritual Motherhood”

Take Your Marriage Beyond “OK”

Getting regular ‘tune-ups’ can enrich even the best relationships

Why would a normal couple with a good marriage invest time, energy and money in marriage enrichment? Most of us can see the need for couples in crisis to read self-help books, take seminars, get counseling or go on special retreats. But if you think your marriage is cruising along anywhere between “OK” and “pretty good,” why bother?

We need to be willing to invest in regular care and maintenance for this most important relationship, as much as, if not more than, we do with our car or career. To have the best marriage possible — the most joy-filled, super-solid, radiant marriage, which God intends for you — we need to be willing to keep growing, to keep learning, to get inspired, to sharpen our skills and to aim for excellence. Regularly! That’s what marriage enrichment is all about. Here is a “course catalog” of Catholic and Christian marriage enrichment resources for you to consider for your ongoing marriage education. Aim for 25 “credit hours” a year! Continue reading “Take Your Marriage Beyond “OK””

An Examination of Conscience for Married People

Confessing the ways you’ve fallen short can strengthen your marriage

It’s a quiet Saturday afternoon at my parish, and I’m sitting soberly in the line of chairs in the back of the church outside the confessional. Sinner that I am, I am no stranger to this great sacrament of mercy, where I have found such amazing forgiveness, healing and grace. But this time, my examination of conscience takes a different direction. Father is going to hear a lot about the big and little ways I have failed to fully love my husband. How in my thoughts, words and actions I’ve hurt him and weakened our love, or missed the opportunity to think, say or do the loving things I should have done.

A good sacramental reconciliation is excellent preparation for Easter. Many parishes offer special penance services during Lent, and our priests generously make themselves available for more opportunities for confession. But how often do we examine our conscience for the ways we have missed the mark in loving our husband or wife? This Lent, instead of giving up chocolate or lattés, consider dedicating the season to working on your marriage. A good marriage-focused confession would be the perfect start! Continue reading “An Examination of Conscience for Married People”

Salt and Chastity

A pure gaze focuses our desire on our husband or wife alone

When people defend pornography, they often say things like, “It’s not hurting anybody. What harm is there in just looking? It’s not like you’re doing anything.” Remember Lot’s wife, whose wistful gaze back at Sodom and Gomorrah caused her to turn into a pillar of salt? (see Genesis 19:26)

She “just looked” back at the town where sexual immorality was rampant, and it destroyed her. She turned into something sterile, the stuff that tears are made of.

The way we look at others is morally and spiritually significant. Looking with lust objectifies others and harms marriage. A pure gaze, on the other hand, sees the other in the full dignity of their personhood, created in the image of God, and it strengthens marriage. A pure gaze is an important part of marital chastity. Continue reading “Salt and Chastity”

Preparing to Meet Your Future Husband or Wife

First nurture your relationship with God, and he will take care of the rest

My grandparents recently reminisced about how they first met at an amusement park and dance hall on the bank of the Columbia River in Portland. A mutual friend arranged to set them up. “It was going to be my last blind date,” Grandpa recalled.

“And it was,” Grandma affirmed, “… wasn’t it?” Fortunately for their children and all of us grandchildren, it was. They fell in love, married, and are enjoying a fruitful and faith-filled union now in its seventh decade. Continue reading “Preparing to Meet Your Future Husband or Wife”

Date Mass: Unlock the Romantic Potential

The Eucharist is a ‘communion of life and love’ and so is marriage. Why not celebrate them together?

You’ve probably heard a common piece of advice to married couples for keeping romance alive: Have a regular date night. Good idea! But have you ever tried a date Mass? Though it may sound unconventional, the idea of a date Mass actually points to the heart of Catholic sacramental marriage. And this is not just romantic, it’s passionate. So, Catholic husbands and wives, good news! Something as routine as going to church together can have a powerful effect on your marriage.

Nathan and I planned our first date Mass a few years ago when we were members of St. Mary Magdalen Parish in Everett. We sang as part of a small schola at the Saturday vigil Mass. We usually had our young school-aged daughters in the choir loft with us. Continue reading “Date Mass: Unlock the Romantic Potential”

Pray Together Stay Together: Fact or Fiction?

Strengthen your marriage and share in the sweetness of Christ’s love

I remember it felt a little awkward the first few times Nathan and I prayed at home as husband and wife when we were first married. It felt so intimate to speak our deepest prayers out loud. Just before falling asleep, we faced the ceiling together — toward heaven! — thanked God for our marriage, and prayed for our family, relatives, friends, the church and the world.

Thirteen years after our wedding, through many major life changes — including children (four), job changes (seven for him, four for me), school degrees (four in all) and household moves (also four) — our nighttime prayer routine has become a familiar habit that strengthens our marriage and draws us closer to each other and to God, the source of all love. Even if I’ve stayed up after Nathan falls asleep, I’ll still snuggle up and pray aloud next to him. I’m often surprised to hear him join in at the end with a groggy “amen.” Continue reading “Pray Together Stay Together: Fact or Fiction?”